As part of my PhD research, for the past two years I have been looking through the archival papers of Catholic priest, Henri Nouwen, housed at the Kelly Library, at the University of Toronto. For a man who never threw anything away, his archival legacy provides a wealth of information. And like myself, Henri collected research material towards subjects which interested him. Of particular interest to me has been the materials collected by Henri regarding Anton Theophilus Boisen, ordained a Presbyterian minister in 1912, and credited with being the founder of the clinical pastoral education movement. Importantly, Boisen believed that the first-hand study of human experience ought to be a catalyst for thinking theologically for those involved in pastoral ministry. Boisen was an interesting character, having worked for most of his life in mental institutions, and who suffered from periods of mental illness himself. It is said that Boisen’s own psychosis become the centre of his own identity, and Henri described him as a man ‘who went through the wilderness of the lost and made his own illness the centre of his life.’

It was Henri’s desire to write a doctoral thesis on Boisen, and the Nouwen Archive holds a number of manuscripts which formed part of his dissertation, but alas it was never completed. What we do find among his archival papers is a splendid article entitled ‘Anton T. Boisen and Theology Through Living Human Documents’ which appeared in the September 1968 edition of Pastoral Psychology, based in part from an interview which Henri had with Boisen in August, 1964. Nouwen wrote in this article: ‘With an amazing sharpness Boisen studied and analyzed his own case and was able to find, time and again, enough distance to formulate the main insights which would guide his future life,’ namely ‘the essential ingredients of his new approach to theology: the study of “living human documents”.’ A theology based on the study of the human person as a ‘living human document’ became the basis of Henri’s whole life and ministry as well.

An article on Boisen by Glenn H. Asquith Jr. links Boisen’s study of theology through human experience (the living human document), with John Calvin’s understanding of the knowledge of God. Asquith notes that: ‘Calvin believed that true wisdom consists in two aspects: the knowledge of God and the knowledge of the self. These two aspects are inseparable and interrelated. While a person must ultimately seek God, awareness of God may only come through close attention to the condition of the self.’ In his Institutes,Calvin himself wrote: ‘We cannot aspire to [God] in earnest until we have begun to be displeased with ourselves. For what man is not disposed to rest in himself? Who, in fact, does not thus rest, so long as he is unknown to himself; that is, so long as he is contented with his own endowments, and unconscious or unmindful of his misery? Every person, therefore, on coming to the knowledge of himself, is not only urged to seek God, but is also led as by the hand to find him.’ Time and again, in the writing of Henri Nouwen we find this belief, that in the spiritual life, knowledge of God and knowledge of the self are inseparable. Like Boisen, Nouwen believed that the pursuit of ‘theology’ and the pursuit of a ‘spiritual life’ was deepened through insight into the human predicament.

As a spiritual practice, I believe we can take much inspiration from Anton Boisen and Henri Nouwen, both of whom knew what it meant to study oneself as a ‘living human document.’ They both knew that ‘awareness of God may only come through close attention to the condition of the self,’ or to put it another way, until one can have a full relationship with oneself, any relationship with God is, for all intents and purposes, impossible.

Zazen, which lies at the heart of Japanese Sōtō Zen, is best described as a meditation practice which leads the meditator beyond mere words and concepts. As a spiritual practice, it is inward looking and not about concentration on an object outside of oneself. At first this may set off alarm bells for those of us grounded in the Christian faith. Surely the Christian context of meditation is always to be found (in the words of the late Benedictine monk, Fr John Main) ‘in the fundamental relationship of our lives, the relationship we have as creatures of God, our Creator.’ But where I see zazen being of immeasurable help to Christians is in the preliminary step before this can happen – getting in touch with oneself first. Like any successful relationship we might have with another person, it is no different for a Christian’s personal relationship with God. Until one can have a full relationship with oneself, any relationship with God is impossible. As Fr John Main further explains: ‘Meditation is the very simple process by which we prepare ourselves, in the first instance, to be at peace with ourselves so that we are capable of appreciating the peace of the Godhead within us.’ For the Christian, Zazen practice can be part of that preparation process.

In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus tells us that we need to lose ourselves, to find ourselves (8:35), which is none other than a call to a personal liberation from the ‘false self.’ It was Cistercian monk, Fr Thomas Merton, who popularised in Christian circles this sense of leaving behind the ‘false self’ for the ‘true self.’ He one wrote: ‘At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us.’ Merton, therefore, sees our own self-nature, our ‘true self,’ to be none other than God dwelling in us. In this paradox, to find God is to find oneself, and to find one’s ‘true self’ is indeed to find God. Subject and object, therefore, become one, as we come to the realization of our true self nature.

To practice zazen is to bring about a gradual reorientation in the notion of the self. It is to sit with the mystery at the base of the experience. Above all, it is a letting go of all that is false, in order to achieve an expression of what is. And as a spiritual practice, zazen can certainly help Christians move beyond words and conceptual ideas. By letting go of the false self, the Christian moves beyond words and conceptual ideas and is brought to that point of nothingness at the centre of one’s being, where the mystery and peace of God are found, that place where the ‘true self’ lies.

As a person who from time to time has lived with anxiety issues, it has often been suggested to me by a number of healthcare professionals I take up some form of meditation and mindfulness practices.  Mindfulness is a very ‘in’ word at present and appears to be a hot topic in Western psychology. It seems everyone is taking up mindfulness meditation. It is said to allow someone to cope with difficult and painful thoughts, feelings and sensations. Mindfulness exercises give a person back some sense of mastery over their thoughts and feelings. Many will say that when they are overly anxious they have no mastery over anything. Rather than having the sense of being pushed around and bullied by their thoughts and feelings, people learn through mindfulness to have some agency or control over them. A dictionary definition describes mindfulness as ‘a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique’.

Although these days much mindfulness practice is secular in character, partly through its promotion to the executive world by such people as Jon Kabat-Zinn, its roots lie firmly in Buddhism, a fact which continues to fascinate me.

Buddha lived long before Jesus, about five hundred years in fact, who taught our problems and suffering arise from confused and negative states of mind. He also taught methods for gradually overcoming our negative state of mind, which includes such things as anger, jealousy and ignorance, and he developed practices which help develop positive human qualities such as love, compassion and wisdom.

One question I asked myself when I first began practicing Buddhist styles of meditation was whether these practices could help me come into a closer relationship with God, who for me, as a Christian, is the source of love, compassion and wisdom.

The Church has for much of its history recognised the sign of God’s Spirit in secular philosophy and even in other non-Christian religious traditions. Thomas Aquinas, just to choose one example, used the philosophy of Aristotle as a basis for his theological output. It would be interesting to hypothesize that if Thomas Aquinas had come into contact with Buddhist Philosophy, what would he have made of it?

Christianity is sometimes said to be long on content, but short on method and technique. And many today believe that Buddhism, or at least some aspects of it, is providing Christians with practices and techniques by which they can enter more experientially into the content of what they believe. People like Thomas Merton, John Main, Laurence Freeman and David Steindl-Rast, all coming out of a Christian Monastic setting, have looked the East to fill this gap between content and practice.  I personally have a trust in these giants of the Christian Monastic Tradition. So with an open mind, I continue to follow meditation practices borrowed from the East, even from time to time, finding myself meditating with Zen Buddhist practitioners.

I am reminded by the words of Jesus when he said, ‘unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven’. In both Christianity and Buddhism, we are reminded that humility and openness are essential for those on a spiritual journey. I therefore pray that the child within may continually see the light of day.

It is notable that many people today demonstrate a continued interest in all that is spiritual, in spirituality, and in the spiritual life in general. It is surprising, I suppose, because in the course of the late 20th century and early 21^st century, spirituality and institutionalised religion, and questions about the spiritual life in general, seemed almost at one point to have been put aside and buried for good. It is often said that Australia is one of the most secular societies in the world, and yet the subject of ‘spirituality’ refuses to go away.

Undeniably, the spiritual question, and the quest for a spiritual identity has returned to the playing field. Intellectuals, writers, journalists, scientists, physicians, you name it, are concerned about things ‘spiritual’. How often have I heard the statement, ‘I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.’ And I suppose it is a fair enough statement, particularly as many people are turned off by institutional religion. Everyone is spiritual to some degree, even a complete atheist has a spiritual dimension, at least in my opinion. Spiritual themes still make headlines in magazines and newspapers. And you only have to enter a bookshop to find an interesting array of books shelved under the ‘Spirituality’ section. 

So, through the pages of this blog I would like to share what it means for me to be a human being in the contemporary world, and a particular kind of human being for that matter, with a particular kind of spirituality, and a particular kind of outlook on this life many of us struggle to live. As a one-time Anglican/Episcopal priest, who is now retired from ministry, I continue my interest in theological studies through my academic pursuits at post-graduate level at an Australian University.

History, I believe, will look upon this present time and see that we lived at the beginning of a new kind of reformation. We presently live in a world where Christians no longer have the influence they once did, faced with many challenges, one of which is that we do not have a monopoly on the truth. But it is still the job of every Christian, to be called to be the light, salt and soul of the world. The Christian tradition has its own rich spiritual traditions, somewhat lost to many in our modern age. Unfortunately, many people today would never think of looking to the Church for any spiritual sustenance, which is very sad when you think about it, due I think to a Church which has been rocked by scandal and a number of negative theologies. The Churches too find themselves in a unique position today to learn from other faith traditions, especially in the increasingly globalized context that we are now find ourselves in.   

To be a same-sex attracted person in the Church today, which is something I proudly proclaim, is also a great challenge, but also a great gift. There is something in the prophetic voice which I think LGBT Christians offer the wider Church and the wider world, which even constitutes its own spiritual ethos. Throughout the Church’s history, it has often been those existing at the margins of the Church who have had something constructive and prophetic to say to the wider body of faith. Jesus himself existed at the margins of his Jewish faith and it was from those margins that he ministered to the marginalised.

I hope this blog may be of help to some, particularly those of us who feel they live at the margins of the Church. As I put down my thoughts, it might even help me to come to terms with the world and the spirituality in which I continually live, and move, and have my being.